Interview with Alan

Good Questions

... Mareike asking Alan

1. Alan, what is so special about your housing idea?

Alan replies, "You'll be able to live very comfortably here. With plenty of space, including a shared office, sunny living rooms, and a large communal table... In front of the crackling fireplace, I see two white leather sofas, and on the large glass coffee table lie several bundles of knitting yarn. Two friendly residents with long, gray hair sit quietly in the armchairs in the reading corner by the baywindow, reading the newspaper. The others are out.

I'm new here in the shared, large house. I go into the kitchen and open my (!) refrigerator, take out two slices of whole-wheat bread, put them on the counter, and wonder what to do with them. I slept in, breakfast is over, and I'm late. As I'm thinking this, the friendly, older man comes into the kitchen from the living room. He smiles at me and wordlessly takes the shopping list and the money for the groceries from the jam jar, the communal kitty. Everyone pays for the basic groceries. I toast the whole-wheat bread, get the butter, and... I take some apricot jam and sit down at the dining table, get a yoga magazine, and enjoy a leisurely breakfast.

I understand. We, the residents, pay rent for the house. We alone decide whether to take in more residents or use the space for other purposes. Currently, we have a TV room, an office area, a separate studio, two conservatories (one with a fireplace), and a workshop. There are nine private rooms with bathrooms for the residents, plus a guest room. We share a car and tend the garden. Each of us contributes to the community (cleaning, gardening, renovations, repairs) and helps with the Yoga-Vidya mentoring program. And we help each other—with computers, internet, errands, and shared activities. What's special is that we live much more openly, generously, and communally than in a typical two-room apartment. This place is our home, and we have no other. We see each other every day and understand why. We aren't afraid of each other or of someone else's need. After all, everyone is in need at some point, in some way. The rent is so low that payments from the job center would suffice, or for elderly people, housing allowance or basic income support. Everyone does something for each other; we all contribute to the community.

This makes us more diverse than ever before and richer than we would ever be if we were to move out. Shanti Life is more than just housing; my Shanti Living proposal is a way of life. That's what makes it special."

2. What characterizes the Yoga Shanti Project?

"We live together. Maybe everyone actually lives their own life, but we live together. The project is our shared sanctuary. When you live in a community, you're not so alone and don't have to constantly look for 'new people'. It's also better than sitting around alone with your TV or Youtube. Even couples can have some freedom of mind. Our space is warm and cozy, full of goodwill and positive energy. We love spending time here. Imagine us singing mantras together by the fireplace and eating dinner together. And many of our activities take place at home, so you don't have to go anywhere else or pay anything extra. Everything you could want is right here; we're here, and it's all up to you/us."

3. Why would anyone give money to finance the preparations?

"This will probably be someone who would like to move in or a supporter. For those who get involved with us, we have a promise for a home that can't be found anywhere else, neither immediately nor later. We offer him or her work in this project and provide you with a future. What will happen to you when your children move out? What do you want to do when you want to get out of a rut? With us, you can get involved, contribute financially, and share your ideas. Once everything is clear, we can begin. We can get down to specifics. Then a new life begins, and you and I can be a part of it. You just have to come in time."

4. Why do you want to live together?

"We want to live together. I'd say our lives are bigger than our house. And our house will be the haven of peace in our lives, which are otherwise perhaps quite dynamic. When I enjoy coming home because I feel at home I recharge, offer kindness and share empathy. I don't just want to receive; I also want to give. I have plenty of ideas, initiative and confidence and I can and want to give it away. And I'm sure others feel the same way.

Why do I want to live here? Because the others are willing to welcome me, I'm willing to open up. I listen, give and receive with mutual understanding. Life in a group is more diverse than life with just one partner. Your experience and your trust is broader. You can always leave, but as long as you're with us you're close. Then we can see you and do things together."

5. Alan, what is your motivation?

"There's a widespread distrust of 'normal' couple relationships, how long will they last? And I too, want more than just one person to talk to about everything. That's overwhelming for any individual. I hope to find several people to talk to in the group and also like to have steady variety through gradual turnover of group members rather than existential crashes when partners change. 

I want people who live as couples to not be lonely, not be disillusioned, to be able to avoid each other at times, not have to sit in silence or talk past each other or not talk at all and watch too much TV. I would find it fantastic if resources and experiences could be pooled and complemented. And that my 'crowdbase' is large and closer to me. All of this is very important to me and I'm now trying to turn these thoughts into actions."

6. So Alan, what is your goal?

"It would be wonderful to create something I experienced in Sweden. It's about crafting a ritual and a story out of 'nothing'. A story that can be lived, that is real and not just a dream. I want to establish the reality I envision in the near future while it's not too late for me. For that I might need help from others, their contribution, and perhaps even their money, because I can't do it alone. Once it's established it will endure, even after I/we are gone. It will be in a sense, a legacy we leave for the world." Alan looks out the garden window across the bay and smiles.

In my vision I see myself sitting in a white leather armchair, with long, gray hair reading the newspaper. The fireplace is crackling, and I'm about to go buy the weekly groceries for our shared kitchen community. 

I see myself going into the kitchen to get the shopping list. I already know I'll meet someone there. He is where I used to be. He's at the beginning — and I — I've done what I could. Now I see myself resting and waiting.

I open the jam jar and read the shopping list: 13 litres of milk, 3 kg of butter, 4 loaves of bread, school notebooks, toothpaste, 3 yoga mats, and 1 cubic meter of firewood from the hardware store, plus a new porch swing. 

I get in the car and drive to the shopping center with Sylvia (the other one with long, gray hair, reading the newspaper). When we get back,  Louise will be home by then, and John too; they'll help unload, and John will have a drink right away. A litre of milk. 

I see myself lying down and resting a little until Karo wakes me up because Yoga is starting. I lie and see my old dream, which is now my life."

As Alan says this he smiles and lowers his gaze, adding quietly... "And we all guard this dream. Like a fire we keep alive. At least one of us is always on watch, adding more wood so the 'fire' doesn't go out while the others are off exploring the twists and turns of their lives."

7. Alan, why do you want to bring Shanti Cohousing to Life?

"Isn't it already alive in our dreams. It dwells in you and in me. My dream is 'multi-user' capable. But then, what do we do when we share this dream? Perhaps it's enough simply to dream the dream.

But if the Shanti Dream is meant to be a house we would like to live in—I mean a physical, real house — then we must begin to work towards precisely that. To bring it into being means that it lives, that it arises according to its inner principle, grows, bears fruit and peacefully settles in its niche. It is an offering and has a life of its own, like a blackberry bush. I would like to see it live and not just be a plan, and that it sustains itself and reproduces. 

And I would like it to outlive me and for me to be forgotten. Because I am not so important. Om shanti, shanti om."